Monday, August 6, 2012
Small World
Assignment for Monday 7/30
Should I meet her? two years of online conversations and here she is. Here in front of me. Here at Disneyland in front of me. It has to be her. It is her, she is wearing the same jacket a she was wearing in her pictures. What if she doesn’t like me? No, she said she wants me, she wanted me so bad. I don’t know what to do, what if she doesn’t like me? I need to courage, why do I have this feeling? I wanted to meet her for such a long time and she’s here, in front of me. But what if I introduce myself and she doesn’t like me? I don’t think I could take the rejection. What do I do? She looks so good standing over there. I need to make a decision fast. Now is my only hope. What If I meet her, and I fall in love? what if she falls in love? Well that is a good thing right? I can leave the girl I am with now. I feel so despicable. Why is this so hard for me. Here I am pacing back and forth, my two friends asking me what’s wrong, telling me I am acting like I’ve seen a ghost. I’m about to give up, not wanting to be bothered with it. I’m a hopeless, unassured reject of society.
Just then a feeling of strength comes over me. What do I have to lose? What if she likes me? I will regret not introducing myself now. Now is the time. Now is my only chance. I finally have the confidence to tell my friends what is going on. They are shocked. what are the odds that she is here? Hundreds of miles away from home? The same weekend we are here. Their motivation adds to the strength I feel Inside. I walk up to her, and call her name.
“Monica!”
She turns around, along with three of her friends. She stares. Oh shit, what did I get myself into. I wish I had a shell to crawl into. her expression of squinting eyes changed to a smile,
“Chris!?”
“Yes, its me”
“Oh my God, Chris what are you doing here?”
She rushes to me and I grab her. She smells so good. Her hug feels so good. I'm happy I made my decision. She invites me over to her suite that night. Should I ? Of course.
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This is a fitting use of (what I believe is) Hemingway's style. The short, repetitive sentences, natural dialogue and manly ending fit well together. I think more verbal exchange or greater detail in the description of the setting by the narrorator would help polish up the ending.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Patrick.
ReplyDeleteI think it would also be much better Hemingway if you wrote it in 3rd person. Especially if you left the character anonymous. "The man was sure she had seemed interested. But had it been just a show to appease him?" That sort of thing. Hemingway wrote a lot of stories where the characters were just "The man" or "The man with the blue coat" or whatever physical description he chose. As Patrick said, it would be nice to see more of the exchange with the woman. Let them talk in a bunch of naturalistic, fragmented sentences.